Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I love you. Go after that dick
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
