I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
