The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
