I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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