i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
