I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
