I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize