That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
