I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
