just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He passed out mid-signature
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
