Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
