Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I need to align my fucking chakras
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
