If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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