I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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