I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
