PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
