I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
