Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
