you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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