Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
