I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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