Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have fence marks all over my body
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
