Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
