You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
