do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
