I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
