3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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