I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
