I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
