Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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