My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
