I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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