he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
