Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
