Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
