oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
