whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
