I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
one might say we're banned from that church
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Panties = found
Randomize
