I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
