You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize