Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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