my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
