Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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