Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
