made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
