Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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