my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
