maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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