I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize