WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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