drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
