Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
