White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
