Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
