You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
