You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
