real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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