you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Randomize
