Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
