He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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