Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This house was built for laser tag.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
