You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
