she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
