You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
this will be a night to untag.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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