Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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