Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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