I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
