And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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