I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
