you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
