are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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