what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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